im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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