Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
