I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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