I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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