She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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