Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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