I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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