I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
