"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
40s are totally the cure
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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