This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
