then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I will be naked everywhere
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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