Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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