its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Randomize
