im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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