i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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