I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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