It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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