this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
