Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
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