It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
