i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Can you bring me the toilet please
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
