i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
It's official drugs can't kill me
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
