hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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