Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
