Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
