i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
