I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
