By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
