i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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