my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
