and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
