What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
