I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
