mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
