Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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