No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
