Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
