even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
