She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
