Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
