Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
