Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
ttyl tear gas
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
