Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
