My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
