I wish my penis had an off switch
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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