Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
My vagina is officially offended.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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