Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Randomize
