We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
