He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
