I think my fart just growled at me.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
where are my eyebrows?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
