If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
