I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
